I ask you, ‘is One really the loneliest number?”
I was recently asked to contribute to Lift Magazine by Naomi, who is also a single mother to one son. You can check it out here https://liftmagazine.com.au/magazine/current-issue/ and we chat about loneliness and my journey.
Then one of the ladies I work with weekly recently asked me “How do I deal with my first Christmas as a single parent?” She was quite upset that this would be the first Christmas where her three children would not be with her on Christmas morning. It can be one of the most challenging times for a newly single parent.
So I thought with the festive season fast approaching sometimes the ‘stigma’ with the status of being a ‘single mum’, can get the better of us. Sometimes this happens without us even knowing and then wham bam a bit of a ‘poor me’ kind of day. Those days are ok to have from time to time and so are the feelings. It reminds us that we are human. Special holidays that the whole wide world (well, most of it) celebrate can be trying in the early days of life-after-separation and divorce. Especially, if you haven’t re-partnered yet. Seeing all these ‘happy family’ pics all over social media can sometimes pull at our heart strings. Remember, natural and human.
Thoughts like ‘What will be under the tree for me this year?’ If your ex-husband was great at gift buying and loved surprising you. Those days may feel like a distant memory and bring some sadness to the forefront of your thoughts. Again, natural and human.
Maybe it is the cost of the whole day, that was once shared between maybe two incomes, is most likely going to come down to your own income. Christmas tree, decorations, presents, drinks and socialising.
Or perhaps it is the dread of splitting shared time with the kids over Xmas for the first time. Saying good bye to them at Christmas lunch, knowing you will be home alone that night. Or not waking up to the sound of their footsteps in the morning. Just emptiness, except for your dog snoring from the other room.
I get it, I know lonely. I remember those moments. Christmas is less than a month away.
So how do you deal with these emotions that can try us at these times of year?
Top 5 Tips to get you in the right mind set for the festive season :
- Remember these days are for the kids. Make the change of scenery exciting for the kids, like their next adventure, that they are being quite social and that they are loved by two families.
- Know that it is ok to be sad or feel how you do. Just don’t let it take up too much space in your head and heart. Be grateful that you get a fresh start at life, and you are enough, just as you are.
- Buy yourself a gift or two and put them under the tree. One from Santa to you – just because. One from the kids that Santa bought. The kids will probably tell you want they want to buy you. Then they will believe in Santa just a little bit more.
- Know that this is only 1 day. Whether it’s a birthday or Xmas day. Step back from the event, and look at it this way, it is just 1 lot of 24 hours, there are 7 of these in a week and 30 in a month and 365 a year, so in reality, it will not last long.
- Reach out to your family or friends. Let them know how you are feeling, as your feelings may change from year to year. They aren’t mind readers and sometimes don’t know what they can do you for you.
With all this it can seem a little ‘materialistic’, know that it is better to feel a little alone for the sake of a few ‘commercial’ or religious days. Know that it is better to be single than to be unhappily married and pretend to put on a happy face. That is the true definition of loneliness.
If you want to be feel connected with other single mum’s then request to join the (closed group) Divorce Go To Girls Member Hangout on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorcego2girl/
If you would like to work with me one on one, then reach out for a FREE consult to make sure we are a good fit and I can help you. Let me show you how to embrace your single status and get some certainty and confidence back into your new chapter in life.
One is not the loneliest number. Make the most of the Festive Season, get out there and have fun. Hang around the mistletoe and who knows what can happen by next Christmas….
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