How do you really separate your emotions during your separation?
For us fabulous women reading this, and yes YOU, you are fabulous, no matter what. We are wired to be emotional, to be nurturing, to show our feelings and to actually give a shit. And guess what, that is A-Ok.
However, emotions and separation and divorce and a successful separation at that, do NOT go hand in hand. Simple truth my friends. Take it from me, who has been through (and yes, still going through) and epic tsunami of a freakin’ divorce.
I know it sounds completely unrealistic to be emotionless when you marriage ends, and that is why I am not saying that is how you need to be. Here’s the truth though, the real truth about divorce and all it’s suckiness. Emotions will get you nowhere during your separation. Zero. All they will do is get you in a tizz and a fluster, asking a pointless question of ‘why did he do this to me’, ‘I just don’t understand’, ‘I don’t deserve this’. Plus many other questions that will have no answer to.
Truth is, divorce sucks, but it is how you deal with the emotions of the separation and keep them separate from the separation..you got me??
Here is how :
1. Vent to your girlfriends – that is what they are for – wake up call. Do not take advice from your girlfriends, unless they have been through a divorce, but still, just vent, vent and vent. But not too much. Remember, you cannot get back wasted time and energy. Have a quick vent, then grab a wine, and start swiping left and right on Tinder…giggles away.
2. Cry it out – there is zero purpose in holding in your emotions. What you suppress now, will only rise to the surface when you least want it. I have cried so much recently and then feel so much better. Tears are a good way to release toxins from your body. Plus the energy from a really really great cry makes for a fabulous sound sleep.
3. Grief process – we all go through it at some stage. You most likely won’t be aware of it. However, the sooner you acknowledge the feelings, the sooner you can let them go. Yes, you will absolutely go through denial, anger, depression, bargaining and then you will move onto acceptance. There you will find peace in your heart.
4. Stick to the facts – When dealing with your ex and all the future plans, just stick to the facts. This attitude will help protect both your relationships with each other for the future. No blame, no he said, she said, just facts. Think of it like a business.
5. Let it go – this has got to be the most important part of moving on and keeping your emotions separate. We all hold on to all the emotions and feelings that we truly want to share with our partners and husbands and wives. We don’t really say what we are really feeling at the end of our marriage. We say what we ‘think’ is going on, but not what really happened. Or we felt happened. So we carry on and take all ‘that’ with us to our next relationship. We have no idea….this is a topic for another time…
What’s next …The Art of Letting Go
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