Conscious Uncoupling is a Myth

Ok, so the term was all hype when girl-next-door Gwyneth Paltrow and Rock Star Chris Martin announced they were ‘consciously uncoupling’ in March 2014 on her website Goop. I liked it. How great would it be if everyone could consciously uncouple? Get our business managers to handle all the nitty gritty of the divide and un-conquer. Happy days. If you are the exception to the rule, I am sure you can consciously uncouple, no problems. With no emotions and no ego involved. Done, were do I sign?
As I said, I LIKED it. But let’s get real. WHAT it does mean, is that it will take two very conscious people, with the right attitude towards their marriage ending, to make this happen consciously and amicably. Without the need to get back at each other, using the kids as pawns, or feel the need to take the other one to the cleaners financially through the use of lawyers.

So, I’d prefer to call it ‘The Art of Uncoupling Consciously’.

That said,  then HOW do you ‘Uncouple Consciously’ when you don’t have a business manager to take care of the details?? Simple. You become an adult.

You treat it like a business and take the emotions out of the decisions, then follow these simple steps :
1. You were (well, still are) married and you did (maybe, still do) love each other, so remember that. Your marriage has simply served a purpose that has now finished and it’s time to learn from that and move on. Repeat, learn the lesson BEFORE moving on.

2. Yes you will be emotional, and that is so fine. You are meant to feel all these emotions – from depressed, denial, bargaining, anger and acceptance, you are human after all. But no one ever dies of divorce.

3. Make decisions when you are not emotional or tired, it doesn’t matter if he/she needs to wait a day or 10. Decided when you feel you have the right answer for you and do NOT be pressured into anything. Keep the ego out of the way and the need to be right.

4. Make a CHOICE to see the opportunity that you have: a fresh start in life, a renewed version of you. Time to find what makes you ‘tick’ and your inner sparkle again. Who knows, you might actually enjoy what being single again is all about….

5. If you have kids, put them first, always. Don’t use your kids as possessions or against the other parent. Kids have the right to see their Mum and Dad and you are both important. You don’t have to buy your kids affection either, they are smarter than you sometimes. While they are also very resilient, they do not need to see or hear what goes on between the two of you. Even if you have to suck it up butter cup sometimes in front of the kids, put on a happy face, do that. It is about the kids, not you.

I hear you, easier said than done. Yes, to a degree but you both can do this consciously uncoupling if you want. I do know that not every divorce is like Gwyneth and Chris, heck it looks like they holidayed in Mexico with their kids just recently, what a great example to set for your kids. Not every divorce or uncoupling is like mine and my ex’s, personally, I am happy to go back to Mexico without my ex this time and just take the kids. In reality (and unfortunately) I’d be game enough to say that according to the people I work with and chat to, that nearly 90% of the 47,638 divorces granted in 2013*, are a lot more similar to mine than Gwyneth’s (*according to the ABS in 2013). So, here’s to many more couples deciding to ‘Uncouple Consciously’.

What’s Next? The other day I was asked if I ever wanted my old life back, so lets talk about that lil gem.

x Ren
PS: If you haven’t already downloaded The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide FREE Mini-Course you definitely need to check it out. Click here to start your journey the right way!

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