my mistake after marriage

Picture this and see if it resonates even just a smidge with you. I recon it was only a few short weeks after my marriage ended and I was sitting alone on my couch feeling completely alone, like no one understood me and what I was going through. I felt completely isolated by where I lived and had been faking happiness for quite some time and failing miserably at it inside. This night in question, I remember subtly and subconsciously saying to myself “Where is my knight in shining armour that can just come along and make everything alright?”

Skip forward a few more weeks (about 10 weeks post split to be exact) and I had an unexpected friend come into my life who basically offered up all this ‘rescuing’ that I thought I needed to get through life. Someone finally coming along to make it all right and bearable. I had known this ‘someone’ for 15 years, was really close friends with his brother and considered the rest of his family to be good friends also. He absolutely adored the kids and vice versa. Basically, everything I thought I wanted, he offered. He ticked all the boxes, so I thought. First mistake.

Things moved rather quickly. I ignored the advice of my life coach to take it slow. I kept asking myself and a few friends, is this the right thing to do? Second mistake. I have only just come out of a marriage and did I really want to jump into another relationship straight away?? ( But he ‘seemed’ to be everything I was asking for. He wanted to solve all my problems and make life easy for me and the kids. He seemed to have the best of intentions. What girl wouldn’t want this? I had known him for ages too, so how could this be anything but right. Who says you need to wait X amount of time before moving on. On paper, so to speak, it was a dream come true and I did love him.

We had open discussions about everything and it all ‘seemed’ perfect. He offered that we buy my ex-husband out of the house so that the kids could stay in the area and my son could go to the school he’d been transitioning too. He then suggested we get a bigger car because he only had a ute and he had two kids also. Ok, fun, a combined family and I’d always wanted a big family. My lawyer said to get something binding in writing, and I ignore that too, third mistake.

So we did all that, the house and the car.

Then, came that day. The day the sh*t hit the fan in a very, very BIG way.

In a nutshell, he pulled the pin on getting the house together after I’d been taken to court by my ex. Which meant that my ex could take control of the sale of the house and sell it for what ever he wanted and he would then get his share of the profit and I’d get the left overs, due to the court documents.

F*ck!

What the heck would I do now? No house and a brand new huge car. Awesome! (queue major sarcasm) just what I needed.

I was mad a myself for a long time. I did ask the silly question of HOW could this happen to me, about once. I knew the answer though. I sat back and did some reflection and really started to listen to ME, not my wonderful friends who have the absolute best intentions, but I listened to me and what my body had been trying to tell me all along. I know that I had acted with my best of intentions and was sincere and I could live with that.

Financially, I lost almost $100k.

But, the lessons I learnt far out weigh the dollar, every time. I just wasn’t aware, at the time, of how right our intuition can be when we choose to listen to it, and follow what our ‘gut’ tells us. I hadn’t needed saving, I was going to be fine on my own with the kids. I could do this new life by myself and love it. I didn’t need that knight in shining armour, I just needed to believe in myself a hell of a lot more.

Now, I trust my intuition all the time. I trust me 100%. I don’t need anything to tick boxes and I don’t necessarily need all my decisions to be logical either. They just need to feel right in my ‘gut’ and I go with it. I trust that the rest will work itself out. It hasn’t been easy and I am learning all the time, which is so fricken cool, right. This is just one of the steps to becoming a better version of me.

P, L & H
Ren

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