What if I said to you ‘divorce could be one of the best things to happen’.
You’d probably want to slap me or think I was a little crazy…think, what does she know.
I can tell you the exact moment in time that my heart was completely crushed. I can tell you where I was, what I was doing, what I was wearing and eating.
6 months later, we had an official separation date. A time in my life that I was at my rock bottom. Dealing with a bit of depression and high anxiety.
But I decided the only way was up! I had two very amazing reasons for this choice. My beautiful kids who were 3 and 4 ½ at the time. I had to put me first. What good was I to them if I couldn’t take care of myself.
In 2012, the ABS recorded nearly 123,000 marriages and 50,000 divorces. I became one of those statistics. The average time to get over your divorce is about 2-3 years. I was not going to be included in those statistics. I took a 3 day escape to the McLaren Vale to visit my parents, and try some of the local wines, of course, and this is exactly how long my pity party lasted.
I came back to Melbourne and ‘owned’ my situation and started taking action. I wasn’t going to sit around and ask, WHY did this happen to me? I asked myself, HOW can I use this experience and what can I learn from it. No playing the victim here. No one ever dies of divorce and life goes on.
Let me be real with you for a minute, I did have a mini tanti at the very start. I pulled the collage of wedding photos off the wall, and straight into the trailer, in front of my ex. Shortly after, I endured the pain of my wedding date tattoo being removed that was put there 2 months earlier.
After that, I realised that I had to focus on what I could control. I had that choice. I also realised that it was my responsibility to make me happy. I set out to find my sparkle and smile again. I had to get my mojo back, I almost didn’t recognise the chick I saw in the mirror.
I got up every day with the intention that this day, would be better than the last. I believe that it isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. I threw out my comfy daggy clothes. I got dressed, lippy on and I showed up for life.
So I kept seeing my shrink (aka psychologist)
Got acupuncture and massages, ate well, got plenty of fresh air and sunshine. Surrounded myself with great people.
I got in touch with my ‘woo woo’side, I started being grateful for a fresh start, had some reiki, found my love for meditation and did I say massages??
A new hair do.
More therapy, the retail therapy kind.
Booked a week away to an amazing health retreat, my brain break-ation, and much, much, more.
Most fun of all, was my Divorce Holiday to Las Vegas ! What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas! Then, when I was ‘officially single’, a Divorce Party. To celebrate the opportunities in front of me while I created my ‘What’s Next’ Chapter in Life. I changed my view on what my divorce meant, that it wasn’t a failure, just the end of something, and the start of something even better. My life is way more than this moment.
What if we accepted the situation and remembered, that everything was exactly how we wanted it at some stage. What if we tried to ‘flip’ the situation. To make it a positive and empowering learning experience? Act from a place of love, rather than bitterness and anger. Could you imagine?
This has been my journey over the last 2 1/2 years, I’ve grown so much and I couldn’t be happier. Back to my true self, and then an even better version at nearly 42yrs of age and not a bitter one.
I challenge everyone out there, to just make a choice and take a chance. Do divorce with dignity and grace, let it rock your world, for the greater good and show up for Life!
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