In 2012, the year my 8 ½ year relationship and 6 years of marriage ended, I joined nearly 50,000 other people who changed the status from married to single. It is very common to happen after the second child and also when the kids are under 5 years and in our late 30’s. I am that exact statistic. (According to the ABS)
I know so, so, many women who felt empowered after their marriage ended. Guys, on the other hand, not so much. Not that I’ve spoken to every divorced couple, but I have had plenty a conversation with people over the years. One guy said to me that a guy’s ego gets in the way and many guys focus on their failure, failure to provide and failure to be a man. Women find it much more an empowering time and easier to draw a line in the sand and move forward. I am always open to hear other versions too and understand that no situation or couple is the same.
I am not sure about you ladies, but I know I felt “lighter” the night my ex-husband left the house, never to return. I felt even more empowered when I went to Divorce Court on my own and then received the paper work in the post. Happier days! Women tend to have the self dialogue of “ok, I can do this”, deal with it and move on. Obviously that varies from person to person.
So, what is next exactly?
Some days are going to really suck eggs and are going to challenge you to your very core, I get it. I went through it. However, you can turn this shitty situation into a really great opportunity to re-invent yourself, rediscover yourself and what it is you like to do in your spare time and what you want out of your next relationship.
Here are a few ideas you could implement right now to get your “what’s next” chapter started sooner rather than later. Sure, there’s a process to go through, that which is very similar to dealing with grief. Let’s face it, our marriage has just ended and perhaps lost a best friend, which isn’t to be taken lightly, but there is no reason at all what so ever to stay in a shitty place of “why me” or play a victim roll. Time for the big girl panties ladies. So let’s get this happening right now, not tomorrow or next week, but now!
First of all, go grab a bottle of bloody expensive French bubbles, try Billecart Salmon, one of my favs. Get a few of your friends and toast the start of your “what’s next” chapter. No tears here, no pity party and we can’t waste French Champagne on that. It’s ok to reflect back, but look back on the happier times. Think happy thoughts and you’ll experience exactly that. Plenty of smiles and laughter about how you will enjoy your new found freedom and embrace single life. Many of your married friends are going to be so jealous of you right now, not having to answer to anyone, doing what you wish, when you wish, with whomever you wish. Trust me, when you catch up with these ladies after the weekend (especially the kid free weekends) they will want all the gossip and they will theoretically live through you.
Next, go out and buy a vibrator or 2, or get a new one. A girl’s got needs. (Insert cheeky grin here) If you have never had one, speak to a friend who has and that will come shopping with you if you need moral support. Or watch the Sex and The City episode The Hare and The Turtle (Season 1 Episode 9) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-RozcHd08k
Or, take yourself to New York, do The Sex and The City tour and buy your very own!! You’ll never look back!
Next on your list should be to get some therapy. Retail therapy, that is. Yep, you need a new “do”, you need new make-up especially a bright lippy, a new outfit for your galavanting about some super cool bars in your city and a fricken fabulous pair of high heels. Who doesn’t feel like they can take on the world in a pair of heels? I am sure most of us girls feel great when we are all glammed up and feeling a million dollars. Just before my split I had been living in trackies and runners. I found it challenging to lose all my post baby weight and wasn’t living the healthiest of lifestyles either. I had major knee surgery just before my marriage went really pear shaped, and was quite limited in what I could do in the form of exercise, leading up to “the end”. I lived in a seaside town with next to no night life. Stress can also make you lose weight too, which is a shitty bonus of this situation, kinda. So I’d lost a dress size and took myself shopping. The first shop I walked into was Sass & Bide and this was soon to be the next love of my life. I was going out the next day on a winery tour with a few couples that I hadn’t seen in ages, so I figured I needed a lil pep me up. Take it from me, there is nothing better when you are going through a really crappy time and people saying “wow, you look really good”. I guess they kinda think you wouldn’t …. This particular weekend was my first weekend without the kids, so I thought best to get out of the house and occupy myself and look bloody amazing while I did it.
While some of these steps may seem it’s all on the outside kinda stuff, but sometimes you have to fake it til you make it. I am definitely NOT saying to deny what you are feeling, because that’s not going to work for too long and not a healthy step in moving forward. Actually, you can read all about faking it til you make it in my next blog.
So what’s next for you?
“Like” this, comment below and share it around with other chicks going through a split or divorce. I’d love to hear from you, so go on, list 3 things you can do to start your next chapter, your life’s encore. The best is yet to come.
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