WTF? Really, is this just the biggest waste of Facebook’s money and talent or what. Seriously, you need a tool to ‘breakup’ with someone on Facebook. The only tool we should need after a breakup is a new vibrator. I think using this just makes you look like a social media stalker tool. (we all know the saying of Facebook stalking, c’mon we all do it too). Sorry, blunt, not sorry, but I think this topic needs to be said in this way.
What you do need to do is just BLOCK and UNFRIEND. It is that easy.
So here is how you breakup with someone ‘socially’ in 4 easy steps :
Unfriend and block them – there is zero reason to know what they are up to. This will honestly help you have a clean break and in time feel so much more empowered and able to move forward sooner.
Delete the photos – You do not need these reminders. You may choose to have a separate album for them as reminders, because I am sure most of the times together were great. However, you do not need to keep being reminded of them. Especially if you don’t have children. While I can still be grateful for the times we had together, I don’t need them on social media. They are kept in a safe box for when the kids want to see them.
Unfriend and block any of his/her friends you feel you need to – just do it. I’ve had many a conversation with people before about he said/she said blah blah is up to this and that. Chinese whispers etc etc. If they are not going to be in your social circle and have done the whole ‘choosing sides’ thing, then just unfriend. We all still have phones to keep in touch if it’s necessary. Remember, those who are meant to be in your life, will always be there.
Change your status to SINGLE , not separated or divorced, just be single. Before you got married or into a relationship you were single status. Who says you have to be separated or divorce on Facebook, no one ever. Single is way better, and way more fun 😉
Do you sometimes find yourself in your newly single status, wondering what it would be like to have your old life back? I was recently asked if I ever wanted my life back. The simple answer is :
I never had a moment of wanting my old life back. I wanted a new me because I hardly recognised the girl I saw in the mirror. So I made the choice very early on to find out who I was. I am sure I am not alone here.
I used to use that phrase a lot ‘be empowered by your divorce’. Then I received a phone call from someone who said ‘fancy empowering people through their divorce, that’s disgusting’ (his words). I didn’t really have a reply because I was caught off guard a bit by the word, disgusting. So I got thinking, ok, maybe I need to get clear and explain exactly what that term means. But let me start by saying what it doesn’t mean first.
Being empowered by your divorce does not mean that you try and become powerful, or over powering or heaven forbid, controlling. It does not mean that you become a nasty or vindictive person. It is quite the opposite really.
My Top 9 Tips on How To Be Empowered By Your Divorce
Being empowered by your divorce means :
1. You choose not to have a pity party
2. You choose to become a better version of you and not a bitter one
3. You make choices that are proactive rather than reactive
4. You choose to look at your marriage as having served a purpose and be grateful for all the good it bought you
5. You choose to look forward rather than dwell in the past
Ok, so the term was all hype when girl-next-door Gwyneth Paltrow and Rock Star Chris Martin announced they were ‘consciously uncoupling’ in March 2014 on her website Goop. I liked it. How great would it be if everyone could consciously uncouple? Get our business managers to handle all the nitty gritty of the divide and un-conquer. Happy days. If you are the exception to the rule, I am sure you can consciously uncouple, no problems. With no emotions and no ego involved. Done, were do I sign?
As I said, I LIKED it. But let’s get real. WHAT it does mean, is that it will take two very conscious people, with the right attitude towards their marriage ending, to make this happen consciously and amicably. Without the need to get back at each other, using the kids as pawns, or feel the need to take the other one to the cleaners financially through the use of lawyers.
So, I’d prefer to call it ‘The Art of Uncoupling Consciously’.
That said, then HOW do you ‘Uncouple Consciously’ when you don’t have a business manager to take care of the details?? Simple. You become an adult.
Since my divorce and being happier because of it, people tend to open up to me a fair bit and share their feelings about what is going on in their own marriage. The constant bickering about silly, petty things. Not talking for days because you’d rather fight and win, rather than try and have empathy and see a different view point. Or maybe the ego would be too bruised if you admitted you may have been wrong. Living with someone who would rather play a victim to a situation, than get over themselves and move on.
Seeing people in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship or marriage is common. Which is sad but it is reality. I was one of those and stayed unhappy for too long that it damaged a part of me on the inside. I didn’t have the courage to leave because I took my vows seriously and thought things would get better. Four years of telling myself this got tiring. For better or worse, are you kidding me, who wrote that? I was also scared. I didn’t know what I would do with two little kids. How would I cope as a single mum. Kind of forgetting that I was single and coping just fine until I was 32. News flash.
Yes you – I am talking to every single person who’s marriage or relationship ends. You must change. Now before you get all virtually cross at me, hear me out.
A very wise man once said “Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results is the definition of insanity” – Albert Einstein
So let me relate this to the here and now and the business of relationships, marriage, divorce and finding yourself suddenly single. Let me also be an example and share with you why I had to change.
I had not had nearly enough time to sort my ‘stuff’ out from when my marriage ended to the next relationship. There was no time to really heal and there was not enough time to reflect on what happened, learn the lessons and then get my mojo back. I was still the same version of me, a slightly damaged version and not a better more improve version 2.0. I ignored my coach’s advice of ‘take things slow’. I took all the ‘stuff’ from my marriage into the next relationship, as it was only 10 weeks post split…. Then about 8 weeks later that relationship ended badly.
So, if I kept going on and being the same version of me, I was going to keep on attracting the same type of guy. No thanks, two was enough.